Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
