Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
