Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
