what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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