so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
