oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize