you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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