I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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