If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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