some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize