Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
