good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
