I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
