I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
