I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
