I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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