what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and she was petting her beer can
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
