please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
