WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
