You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
