Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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