Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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