There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize