Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
