alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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