True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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