people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
