Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
