I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
