I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
