I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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