we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
