Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
