Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
