i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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