i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
