He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
