I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
