Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
