I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
