Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
