I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
