Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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