Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
