its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize