theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
