you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
