Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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