babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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