Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
