ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
