He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on my penis is your penis
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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