I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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