i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize