He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
