It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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