is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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