The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
