Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
