Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
