dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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