Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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