I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize