it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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