I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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