yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
