it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
