Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize