I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
