The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
