There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My hand turned me down
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
