thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize